screengeniuz asked: Olivia is terribly injured and put in a coma after an attempt on her life.
Can someone give me something happy? Damn, screengeniuz.
The hospital room was silent except for the incessant beeping of the machine monitoring her heart rate. The machine that was once a beacon of hope that Olivia would live another day and she was fighting for her life was now just a painful reminder that she hadn’t woken up. That she wasn’t fighting.
"Are we going to be here long?"
A voice sounds from behind Fitz. He’d almost forgotten that he wasn’t alone. It was easy to make everything disappear when he was here with her. He shakes his head, staring ahead at Olivia’s frail body. She was already extremely thin when she was full of life but now that she wasn’t, it seemed that her body was wasting away before his eyes.
"No…not too long.” Fitz shakes his head, trying to find the woman that he fell in love with within the feeble body in front of him. “I just had a bad day and needed to see her.”
“Do you think that Momma knows when we’re here? Do you think it makes her feel better, too?”
Fitz smiles at that question as his daughter climbs into the hospital bed and tucks herself into Olivia’s side, wrapping her arms around her body as if she were really holding her.
“I like to think so.” He replies softly, watching as his little girl laid her head on her mother’s chest to listen to her heart beat.
It made his heartache to know that these were the moments that she would remember with her mother instead of the one’s that were filled with laughter and joy. All of her memories would be of sterile hospital rooms and silence.
“Can you tell her a story?” Her voice sounds from where her face is tucked into Olivia’s chest. “I like it when you read me stories, Daddy. It makes me feel better.”
He couldn’t and wouldn’t deny her. Not when she looked at him with eyes that were the perfect replica of her mother’s. It was hard at first, looking at his daughter only to see his wife staring back at him but now it was like a blessing. Her looks were the greatest tie that she would ever have to her.
“I don’t really know any stories to tell her. Not any fun ones anyway.”
“What about when I first talked? Lotsa people like stories about babies. Do you remember, Daddy?”
He smiles at her and takes a seat next to the bed, his hands immediately finding Olivia’s to caress it as he spoke.
“Of course I remember. Your mom freaked out for a week because she was convinced that you were ready to talk and she didn’t want to miss it. She just kept saying it over and over.”
“’Say Momma’. Fitz, don’t laugh. I know she’s going to say something. It’s on the tip of her tongue. You know when she opens her mouth and she moves her head? She’s ready to talk and she just can’t get it out.”
“Or maybe, just maybe, she’s being a baby. You know, little humans that don’t yet have control over all of their muscle functions.”
He can practically hear her roll her eyes at him through the phone.
“Fine. Don’t take this seriously but you’re going to miss it. Right, Lol.” Her voice morphs into baby gibberish as she redirects her attention. “Daddy’s gonna be jealous when you say ‘Momma’ first because I’m your favorite parent. Right? Say ‘Momma’. ‘Momma’.”
Fitz shakes his head at her, listening to the baby murmur through the phone. Olivia had been at it for a week, completely convinced that their daughter was going to start talking soon.
“Well, I’m going to go. I should be home in the next hour. Don’t bore, Lola too much with your crazy talk.”
She scoffs at him, taking the phone off of the speaker function.
“You know, she gets this from you. Taking her time to do things when she wants to do them.”
“I think the name of the trait that you’re looking for is called stubbornness and that’s definitely a Pope trait if I’ve ever heard one.”
“Lies, fairytales, and fallacies, Fitzgerald Grant.”
He laughs at her cheekiness.
“Whatever you say, Livvie. I love you both.”
It’s almost like he can feel her smile through the phone and then she’s gone urging him to make it home in exactly an hour.
Olivia’s waiting for him at the door, absent mindedly twisting her curls through her fingers with one hand and holding the baby monitor tightly with the other.
“If you hold that thing any tighter you’re going to break it.”
She shakes her head at him, jumping a bit at his unexpected appearance.
“Lola should be waking up soon and I want to hear her call for me.”
“You mean cry.”
Olivia throws him a pointed look, irritated at the fact that he hadn’t bought into her premonition but before she can say anything, small whimpers make their way through the receiver before growing into a full outcry.
“I pumped after I put her down, can you get her a bottle from the fridge.”
And then she turns, making her way up the stairs to attend to the baby leaving him with the receiver. Fitz makes his way to the kitchen, transferring the milk from the small containers that she stored them in and into a bottle before heating it up. He laughs and shakes his head at her voice coming through the speaker, softly encouraging their daughter to speak. ‘Say ‘Momma’. He hears her say repeatedly, slowing down so that Lola can pick up the syllables coming from her mouth. At this point it was no use trying to convince Olivia that she just wasn’t ready to speak so he keeps quiet, picks up the bottle and grabs a burping cloth from the laundry room before making his way to the nursery.
“Here you go, Sweet Girl. I brought food for you.” Fitz coos, trying to peek around Olivia as he enters the room.
And then it happened. She said her first word and it definitely wasn’t ‘Momma’.
Lola’s giggling brings him out of his story telling reverie.
“I said ‘Daddy’, first?” Lola laughs, throwing her head back against Olivia’s shoulder. “Poor, Momma.”
“Yeah. She was a little upset but you said ‘Momma’ a week later at a huge party that we took you to so she felt like you were saving the best for last.”
Lola shakes her head, her curls bouncing in the process, and lays her head back on Olivia’s chest in its previous spot.
“Momma’s silly.” She sighs, closing her eyes to listen.
And it hits him again, that this is all that they’ll ever have. Moments in a hospital room where her mother would never properly hold her or tell her stories or make her laugh.
“Mr. President, a medically induced coma will help her heal properly. Her body and her mind just need a little time to catch up to the trauma and after we stop the medicine, she should be just fine. Don’t worry.”
“We’ll find whoever did this. They’re not going to get away with trying to hurt Washington D.C.’s greatest asset. We’re doing everything we possibly can, Mr. President. I promise. Don’t worry.”
Those two words always stuck with him. How ironic they were.
Sometimes he wanted to find the nurse and police officer that told him that and yell, scream, do anything that would help him grieve because he didn’t worry, just like they told him to and two years later his wife still wasn’t with him and her perpetrator still hadn’t been found. He had stopped praying about it a long time ago. He would never understand why God would allow him to experience Heaven on Earth before sending him straight to Hell.
Lola’s even breathing captures his attention and he longingly smiles at the pair. It’s easy when they’re both sleeping to imagine that Olivia would wake up and run her hands through Lola’s messy thick curls, causing the two of them to joke about the fact that she was nearly bald until she was two. To imagine that eventually she would leave and they would go home where she would make Lola’s lunches and tell her silly stories from when she was a baby. When they were sleeping he could imagine anything he wanted to. He could imagine that he was happy. He could imagine their future. What he couldn’t imagine was that his future would lay unresponsive in this cold room forever.
Fitz sits back in the chair, letting tears fill his eyes and roll down his face undisturbed. He rarely brought Lola here because it was hard to watch her get older as Olivia stayed the same.
It felt like everyone was moving, changing around him but for the rest of his life he would be stuck in this room with the love of his life.
Got me crying man dang
nikkisshadetree asked: "And, to end tonight's broadcast, we close with footage of President Grant out on - by our count - his fourth date with Madeline Spencer, CEO of...." Olivia let the sound of Kimberly Mitchell drown out as she watched Fitz on the screen escorting Madeline into their vehicle. Her heart constricted in pain, pain brought by Fitz taking charge of his life and putting Olivia's well thought out plan into action...without her, because she picked her gladiators. Because she was scared.
Damn you nikkisshadetree
It took a week of sleepless nights and countless bottles of wine for Olivia to summon the courage to call him and even when she had, the phone sat in her hand for half an hour before she dialed the number and an hour before she pressed send.
With each ring she was reminded of every single time she had chosen someone else, something else, over him. She was reminded of the sacrifices that he’d made for her and the cold shoulder that she had returned to him. The thoughts did nothing to help the constricting pain in her chest but made it the worse that she had experienced since it had made its initial appearance in the Oval Office. She takes another swig from the half empty bottle in front of her, she’s long since abandoned glasses when they just seemed to take up time that she could have spent drinking, and moves the phone away from her ear to hang it up when it goes silent.
His voice is gruff as it makes its way to her and her eyes immediately fill with tears.
"Hello?" He says again, this time, the agitation at the silent caller is clear.
"It’s me." Is all she can get out, suddenly overwhelmed with the reality that she could say anything and this time he would hear her.
There’s slight shifting on the other side of the line, like he’s gathering himself and Olivia almost hangs up, plagued with the thought that he’d taken that girl back to the White House with him. That Madeline Spencer had walked through the Rose Garden hand in hand with him like she used to. That Madeline Spencer had made love to him in all of the places that she had, erasing the memory of her like she’d never been there. It only bothered her because there was nothing wrong with her. She was a perfectly respectable woman with a perfectly respectable career. The only problem was that her name was Madeline Spencer and not Olivia Pope.
"It’s me…it’s Olivia." She repeats quietly when he doesn’t say anything. "You’ve been all over the news lately."
His end of the line is silent again and she’s instantly frightened at the previously unforeseen possibility that he may very well ignore her. She lets out a huge sigh of relief when his voice comes through the line again and although it’s exasperated and weary, it caresses her body just like it used to.
"You didn’t call me at 2 in the morning to talk about the news." He pauses for a second before continuing, his voice lower than before. "Or maybe you did, it seems like every time I think that I know what you want or what’s going on in your head, I’m wrong."
The rising anger in his voice is apparent.
"I deserved that-"
"Yes, you do." He interrupts, the small kindling turning into an all-out raging fire within him. "What you don’t deserve is for me to answer your calls like you still matter to me."
Olivia nods her head at that, taking the phone away from her face so that he can’t hear sharp intake of breath or sniffling at his words. She deserved them, no doubt about that, but this was never the Fitz that she had known. He had never been callous to her and he had never sent underhanded jabs her way. She had never been, rightly so, on the receiving end of his wrath. The one time she had been was because she had rigged an election in his name. She could justify that, though. She did it for him. No matter how angry he was at her, she could justify why she had lied to him, gone behind his back, and ultimately betrayed him. What she couldn’t justify was why she had left him all alone.
"I just wanted to see how you were doing. I just wanted to ask you about how you were doing." She whispers, unsure of the answer that she’s going to get from her confession.
"You don’t have a right to ask that anymore." Fitz chortles in unamused humor. "Why don’t you ask your Gladiators how they are? They’re the important ones right?"
Olivia shakes her head, knowing that he can’t see her but hoping that her emotions are transparent through the phone. That she’d made a stupid decision. That she regretted walking away every single second since she’d done it. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t say it because as much as she wanted Fitz to know how sorry she was, swallowing her pride was a hard thing to do. Admitting she was wrong was even harder.
"Never mind." She mumbles into the phone, ignoring his question. "I’ll just go. I shouldn’t have called."
Before she can end the call his voice yells out for her.
"Wait." He demands, sounding like he’d run up 10 flights of stairs and still had 10 more to go. "I’m sorry."
His voice is small when it reaches her again and his words do nothing but make her feel more guilty.
"Don’t be sorry, I’m sorry."
They sit in silence. Listening to the other breathe. Breathing all of their thoughts into the receiver like they could be translated on the other end.
"You said we could have a life together." He croaks, almost as if he’d been crying while they weren’t speaking. "I told you that I wanted to marry you and you said that you could make it happen, that you would fix it so that we could be together for the rest of our lives. You let me believe that were going to be happy together, that you were going to be my first lady and then you left me. You gave me hope and then you walked away."
They’re both silent again. Letting his words marinate.
"I didn’t want to ruin you. I’ve already done enough. I just…I’m the person that rigs elections and lies to you about it. I already ruined you. I couldn’t let myself do anymore damage."
“That’s the problem Olivia. You can’t try to fix problems that don’t exist and you can’t fix people. I’m not ruined. I’m fine but you made it up in your mind that there could be a problem and that you were the problem and you ran. You didn’t even give me a choice.”
She can’t refute that so she doesn’t even try.
“Are you happy with her?” She asks softly, unsure if she really wants the answer. “Are you happy with Meredith?”
He chuckles into the phone and the sound almost brings a smile to her face.
“I know that you know that her name is Madeline.” He pauses, giving her a second to contest and when she doesn’t he continues. “She’s alright. She gets the job done.”
And suddenly Olivia is sick to her stomach. She figured they had kissed, maybe some heavy petting was involved but even though her wildest dreams had speculated that they’d slept together, she refused to believe that they were true. That another woman knew what it was like to be underneath him, writhing in ecstasy. That another woman knew all of the ways that his tongue could pleasure her. She also never thought that he would tell her outright.
Her gasp tipped him off to her train of thought and he corrected himself immediately.
“What I meant was that she’s okay with a few dates. We decided on ten. The publicity will help her company and, of course, I get the benefit of having my lot of women to choose from when we’re done.”
“Your lot of women?” Her question is pointed but his reply is simple.
“Yes, my lot of women.”
There’s a lull in the almost steady conversation that causes him to speak again.
Her heart clenches at that. The way that he said her name hadn’t changed but it did nothing to quell her every growing fear that he had moved on. He had just said it in so many words, hadn’t he?
“I’m still here.” She answers, trying her hardest to keep her emotions out of her voice.
“The plan was that I would go on a few dates and then I would let everyone know that I’d fallen in love with my good friend and trusted advisor, right?”
She nods even though he can’t see her and he continues without her verbal answer.
“I’m still dating Madeline but we won’t be together in a few weeks and if by then you’d like to go on a few dates, I’d be happy to take you on some and then maybe we can make that announcement.”
“You want to go on a date?” She asks, her voice colored with shock.
“If you would like to. I fell in love with a woman a few years ago and I can’t seem to get her out of my system no matter how hard I try, so if you would like to give us another go, I’m willing to but we have to make a deal.”
“That once we’re together, that’s it. No more breaking up and fighting over nothing. We start fresh but we’ll always love each other so there’s no point in acting like we’re going to move on with other people. You have to promise that you’ll never choose anything else over me, even your job, and I don’t think I really have to promise you the same thing sense we both know that nothing is more important than you but I will if you need me to.” Fitz pauses and then adds an afterthought. “And no lies. We’re both completely honest about everything. Even if the truth is the hardest thing that we we’ll ever have to tell each other, we still tell it.”
She starts nodding again, it’s almost constant at this point.
“I can do that.” Her voice cracks as she speaks, unprepared for the onslaught of feelings that covered her at his forgiveness.
“Good and then one day you’ll be my wife. You will be my first lady and we will be together for the rest of our lives.”
She doesn’t say anything and instead lets the fairytale of a life that he’s imagining take over her brain as well.
“I love you, Fitz.” She declares, her voice clear and steady. “I’m in love with you.”
And her small admission, although it wasn’t exactly a new one, brings a smile to his face.
“So, we’re in this together?” He asks, mimicking the tenor of his voice that he used the first time that he had asked her the very same question.
“We’re in this together.” She answers, a smile taking over her face as well at the familiarity of the conversation.
They soak in the silence left behind by pleasant turn in their exchange. Breathing each other in. Immersing in the feeling of togetherness after so long.
“Goodnight, Livvie.” He finally whispers.
“Goodnight, Mr. President.”
And then he’s gone. And she’s alone. It’s a different type of alone, though. A more comforting alone than what she was saturated in just an hour ago.
She gets up from the couch and grabs a fluke, pouring a glass of wine for herself and turning her television back on. Kimberly Mitchell is going on about the presidential romance of Fitzgerald Grant III and Madeline Spencer again but this time Olivia feels hope instead of dread as their appearance is recounted. Her fear and pain has been chased away by his words and forgiveness and she doesn’t ever want to hurt or be that scared again.
It was a new world.
scandalouscastleanatomy this was more than I could have ever hoped for!!!! I’m all in my damn feels right now. Just…
Too many feels
I love it got me all emotional